Week 17

Total weight gain: Holding steady at 11 pounds, which is incredible considering all I do is eat, sleep, and never work out.

Percentage through pregnancy: 42.9%

Weeks until due date:
23

Food of the week (a.k.a. size of baby): Turnip

Pregnancy signs: I’m starting to feel a bit heavier around the abdomen, as if something is definitely in there. I’ll stand up from a sitting position, and feel things….shifting. Also, the second trimester libido has kicked in, which doth a very happy Charles make.

One of the most significant “Hey, I’m pregnant” moments came at Mike’s birthday dinner on Wednesday. (Background info on Jess: I’m not someone who really “gets” high-brow humor. Give me a good fart joke any day.) At the end of dinner, I was playing around with the catsup and mustard bottles, and oriented them in such a way that it looked like the mustard was screwing the ketchup up the ass (Note to Baby: You’re not allowed to use that language until you’re much, much older).

Well, I thought this was the most goddamn hilarious thing I’d every seen in my life. And of course, I was the first person in condiment history to pose the bottles that way. I started laughing. And laughed some more. And some more. And pretty soon it turned into uncontrollable laughter, the kind where tears flow down your face.

We were walking out of the restaurant by this point, and I still could not stop laughing. Then, all of a sudden, I just burst into tears. And those wouldn’t stop. So, by the time we were in the car and driving home, I was in full uncontrollable sobbing mode.

Charles gave me looks that were part worried, amused, and sympathetic. “Are you OK?” he’d ask. “Yes, I’m (sniff) totally (sob) OK. I just (gasp) can’t (sniff) stop crying (sobsobsobsobsob)”

Woah, hormones.

Worry of the week: What if I can’t feel the baby ever?!?!

Maternity clothes: I busted out a new pajama item this week: a black shirt borrowed from BFF Ashleigh that says “Geek” on the lower abdomen. So cute!

Weekly sins: Oh diet sodie, how I’ve missed thee.

Fun with Dopplers: Charles and I bought a cheapo Doppler from Amazon with little expectation that it would actually work. We surprisingly found the baby’s heartbeat on the first try! Sounds like Baby is galloping on a horse in my uterus. Kirsten said her Doppler helped her determine that she was actually feeling baby kicks (you hear a ker-plunk when the baby moves), so I’m hopeful that it will help me out as well.

Pregnancy moments of the week:

— Charles’ parents came over for a lovely evening on Tuesday. MIL and I made the meal while Charles and his dad picked out at Christmas tree at the neighborhood lot. We sat down for a cozy dinner, lit the fireplace, played Christmas music, and trimmed the tree. It was such a wonderful night. Lots of talk about Baby, and Charles and I took some “belly” shots by our tree. Pix to come.

— We bought a mini Christmas stocking and pinned it to my stocking. My heart melts every time I see it over the fireplace.

— The baby can supposedly hear now. In the morning one day, before I gathered the energy to get out of bed and ready for work, we placed Charles’ iPhone next to my belly and played Beatles music.

— I love that women’s reaction to finding out that I’m pregnant is to hug me. I love that a growing baby is cause for an entire community’s celebration and joy.

Nightmares: These days, I either dream that Charles left me/is leaving me, or that I’ve died. I had the WORST nightmare this week. I was driving down a hill and all of a sudden my breaks stopping working. Panic set in. Then I was in a car with my father, watching the car I was supposedly driving slam straight into a concrete wall. My father turned to me and said, “Let’s just keep going. Let’s not look.” As we drove away I said to him, “I’m just really sad that I’ll never be a mother.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, DREAMS?!

Best pregnancy gift of the week: Josh and Karen gave us the most adorable gamers’ onesie. Charisma: 18. Freakin’ adorable.

What I am looking forward to: Our big ultrasound on Christmas Eve (shhhhh, it’s still a secret!)

Baby Milestones: Your baby’s skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she’s around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

Quote of the Week:

Each week, I fill out a Week-in-Review of stuff I’ve accomplished at work.  The top section is “Extraordinary Accomplishments.” I wondered aloud, “What have I done this week that was extraordinary?” and my cubiclemate exclaimed, “You’re growing a new human being! That’s pretty extraordinary.”

Pregnancy-related Tweets:

— Being pregnant around food prep is not working for me. Blegh!
— Having an impromptu holiday drink at a fancy-pants bar by the Bay. Dont worry — mine’s virgin.

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