My tranquil baby boy has shown a new side: Fuss-o-Tron 5000.
All mothers know about Fuss-o-Tron. It’s the monster that reveals itself when nothing will satisfy baby. He’s fed (probably overfed with his insane appetite – have I mentioned he’s more than 12 pounds and only six weeks old?!), dry, warm, and cuddled. And he still does nothing but whimper and moan and cry. Then there are the times that I know he’s hungry, but refuses to latch on my boob and wails about it.
During these episodes, I feel like the worst mother that ever lived. How is it possible that NOTHING I do works?! Doesn’t Charlie know that I’m trying as hard as I can?! How terrible am I at breastfeeding that my baby rejects me?!
The other night, he fussed for four hours straight. FOUR HOURS, PEOPLE. That’s half a workday! Charles and I tried everything to calm him down, and every hour that ticked felt like a giant weight crushing our frustrated skulls. When he finally calmed down and fell asleep, Charles and I clutched each other in celebration and exhaustion. I felt like we had made it through some kind of Incredible Challenge.
Charlie had another Fuss-o-Tron 5000 episode today during which he was awake for eight hours. Even non-parents know that seems impossible for an infant.
Today was a rough day to begin with emotionally because of lame-ass PPD issues that I’m still dealing with, so I was feeling particularly vulnerable and dejected. On top of that, I was hosting a lunch party/playdate with a few friends, their babies, and my mama. Insane, I know.
Of course, he was inconsolable for two hours before they arrived. Yet, as soon as someone else got a hold of him, he completely calmed down. W. T. F. Way to make me feel like an ineffective failure of a mom! The calmness was short-lived, however. In about an hour Fuss-o-Tron resurfaced like woah. He finally fell asleep and has been conked out for a few blissful hours.
Logically, I know that I’m not to blame, that Charlie is not to blame. I’m a new mom; he’s a new baby. We all have bad days. And we always get through it. But when I’m in the throes of it, when several hours have gone by and nothing is working, I want to throw up my hands and go cry in a corner.