Dad Blogs: What’s the infant sign for, “Two thousand dollar orthopedic helmet?”

Apparently, Charile has the beginnings of a flat spot on his head.  It’s not readily apparent where it might be, but then again, I’m no pediatrician.

What is apparent is that he hates tummy time with a passion whose intensity rivals that of a teenage South Korean girl at a Starcraft 2 tournament (That one’s for my nerds).  So getting him on his belly for the recommended 3x20min/day is trying and when he’s awake, the activities he most enjoys all involve lying on his back.

I don’t really understand how this all works, either.  In the years before the SIDS-related “Back to Sleep” campaign, kids spent a lot of time on their bellies, and loved it.  These days, to prevent them from dying in their sleep like the self respect of Tyra Banks’ talk show viewers, they lie on their backs.  But now they HATE to be on their tummies.  What gives?  Was there some species-wide genetic shift in the 20-odd years since this campaign started?  Why can’t my kid handle it for more than five minutes at a stretch?

Also, it’s no use reasoning with him.  It’s as if he can’t understand language, or something.  I’m all, “Hey, lie on your stomach.”  And he goes, “buh buh AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”  To which I explain, “Right, but the plates in your skull aren’t fused together yet, and if they shift around, you’ll have a flat head.”  So then he’s like, “AAAAAAAAAA buh AAAAAAAAAAA!”

And I have to say, “OK, there are these things called dollars, and I’ll have to give someone two thousand of them in exchange for a weird helmet if I just lay you on your back like you want.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,” is all he’ll say.  It’s like he’s not even making an effort.

Long term, I’m sure I’m enduring this stress over nothing.  Even if he ends up with a flat spot, how could you tell?  How many people do you know whose heads are flat?  None, right?

Or it could be everybody, but you wouldn’t know because of God’s orthopedic helmet, otherwise called hair.

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